Did the earth just move for you or should I make eye contact again?
What an eventful Wednesday New Delhi had. Woke up in the morning, feeling less like P Diddy and more like Mick Jagger after a party at Andy Warhol's Factory, only to be told that my regular route to office has been disrupted by an overturned truck/car pile-up/cows giving birth to twins a la Delhi 6. I did however, manage to reach on time (varies between 9.15 am and noon) and proceeded to check Gawker & co online. After an hour, I took a break from my recent discover tumblr (amazeballs) to check 'Recent Updates' on BBM to find someone's consecutive status updates - 'Blast at High Court??' swiftly followed by 'Blast at High Court!!' . In case you guys were unaware, the '!!' makes things super serious and eye-catching. I knew the minute I saw that punctuation change that something had gone bust, pun intended.
I checked the slowly-becoming-slower-than-my-posting-full-of-annoying-pop-up-ads - Times of India website to find that yes, a briefcase had exploded outside the Court killing as then quoted 6. A gloomy mood did set in, I didn't even bother reading the entire article because I knew what it would say...unidentified package...no suspect...innocents hurt...area evacuated...police and NSG at scene... followed later by The Government Condemns This Act. Because condemnation has worked so well always right, forgotten about how condemned Jesus Christ came back to become GOD?
After work, I was doing my usual at home, catching up on Wall Street Journal (code for Keeping up with Kardashians, Bible) when not playing Fruit Ninja HD, then watching (finally a new season of) The Simpsons when suddenly, the glasses on my windows began rattling and my labrador Elmo began barking. I kid you not, my first thought was 'Oh my Lord of the Rings, bomb blast!' but as the shaking went on, both in my house and my heart, I knew it was an earthquake and I simply couldn't believe it. We had a bomb blast and now an earthquake? I know they aren't related but hello, WEIRDFEST. I grabbed my phone and began running while Elmo simply stared at me the staircase as if to say - Seriously, never seen you run that fast since Pop came back from Swizzerland and you smelled the Kagi-Fret (Best. Chocolates. Ever) from the driveway. He totally ignored my pleas(e) and I had to go down alone. I was - if you hadn't guessed Home Alone. Totally Kevin McAllister style except there are no goofy wet bandit robbers out to get me... That I know of. No, wait, I totally know about them. That was a bluff. So come and get me if you DARE. I did 7 PT classes worth of Self Defense in school. Got a certificate and everything.
My lovely maid did not wake up to my repeatedly hysterical cries or banging on her door. She just casually ignored me and gave me some half-baked excuse the next morning about why she didn't answer me. Something to do with her husband calling to check if she was ok. You have to answer ME first. ALWAYS. When she told me, I felt like the nerdy girl in an American high school who got pestered the popular jock to date him only to find out that it was all a bet so then I would go in for a complete makeover but then date my arty best friend who loved me even when I would start sentences with 'What would Kate Middleton do?' (I love the Royal Family, FYI. My dream is to become Duchess of Nottinghamshire by marrying Prince Harry).
Back to last night, I called the guard and asked in a voice that had pretty much reached ultrasonic levels 'What THEE hell just happened?', he, as cool as ever (yes, his name is Bahadur) told me that it was a bhukamp (earthquake for all ya'll French students in school. Please, all you can say in French now is Ouis, 'allo and Chanel. Les incompetent - another Home Alone reference, natch) and that everything was fine downstairs. Oh and did I forget to mention, that while I was barreling down the stairs, resembling a banshee - shrill screams, wild mane and eyes about to pop, I managed to get a BBM status in - also in an ultrasonic high pitched scream (I regret not adding '!!' but it was all in CAPS SO PEOPLE KNOW I AM SERIOUS AND NOT SHOUTING). My parents called me and I think I managed to tell them the entire story in less than 5-6 seconds which was the length of the bhukamp only it felt it would never end. My hands were trembling, my legs were shaking and all because I saw the cheesecake I couldn't have (thank you Dr Pierre Dukan and your why-French-ladies-never-get-fat-diet). I reminded myself of the last time I had sugar when I was hyperventilating the way I was then. Not my most flattering story.
I went back up to my room with my sneakers out and not because I thought I could outrun an earthquake, I'm not so spazzy, but to make a quick getaway. I have to climb down two floors to get to ground level aka safety zone during earthquakes. I managed some hysterical calls to my friends all of whom were luckily ok and like chilling as if an earthquake is no big deal. NO BIG DEAL. And hey, just in case I wasn't flipping out enough, you tell me to expect an after-shock. But I can go to the bathroom right now. Because in case another one comes, that's where I want to be. Thanks Joey. You're a brick (Not in a I-want-to-throw-you-through-a-glass-window-way ...most of the time, but in a oh-always-there-for-me-so-sweet-you-should-think-of-your-bladder-needs-before-you-get-so-unrealistic-and-crazy-and-amped-up-all-the-time-you-will-need-medication-soon way)
Luckily, there have been no casualties or damage reported due to Earthquake Malini (why don't Earthquakes have names? And why do all natural disasters have female names? Hurricane Irene? More like Slowi-cane Bob. Yeah, I did). I like to think of Malini as Mother Earth's way of showing us that she's still boss kind of like the Queen of England except with less tiaras and more power. Wow, that's too much Royal Family reference even for me.
The epicentre was Sonipath which is near Haryana (Jat Jokes!) but Malini made a huge noise in East Delhi, literally, like when you're in the library and everyone stops their iPods at the very moment you scrape back your metal chair on a wooden floor with a packet of noisy crisps in your hand and Magic Pops in your gaping mouth. The MET department reported that it was a 4.2 on the Richter scale not 6.6 as I felt it was. I call shenanigans! 4.2 ? That's no. It was 6.6.
We all should worship, protect and love our Mother Earth. Terrorists will hopefully not come and just go but Earth Mommy, she just sent out her kitty party friend Malini who gossips too much. Wait for her morbidly obese pampered cousin's nephew Hurricane Bittoo to strike.
Also, do you guys think that when it's raining - Mommy Earth is crying or as one of my oldest friends said oh-so-seriously (who gave the Bittoo reference as well) - going #1, and thunder's when she's bowling with her Kitty gang NOT when vampires decide to play Baseball (Twilight, that's a whole other post for me). What does an earthquake mean? Send your thoughts!
I checked the slowly-becoming-slower-than-my-posting-full-of-annoying-pop-up-ads - Times of India website to find that yes, a briefcase had exploded outside the Court killing as then quoted 6. A gloomy mood did set in, I didn't even bother reading the entire article because I knew what it would say...unidentified package...no suspect...innocents hurt...area evacuated...police and NSG at scene... followed later by The Government Condemns This Act. Because condemnation has worked so well always right, forgotten about how condemned Jesus Christ came back to become GOD?
After work, I was doing my usual at home, catching up on Wall Street Journal (code for Keeping up with Kardashians, Bible) when not playing Fruit Ninja HD, then watching (finally a new season of) The Simpsons when suddenly, the glasses on my windows began rattling and my labrador Elmo began barking. I kid you not, my first thought was 'Oh my Lord of the Rings, bomb blast!' but as the shaking went on, both in my house and my heart, I knew it was an earthquake and I simply couldn't believe it. We had a bomb blast and now an earthquake? I know they aren't related but hello, WEIRDFEST. I grabbed my phone and began running while Elmo simply stared at me the staircase as if to say - Seriously, never seen you run that fast since Pop came back from Swizzerland and you smelled the Kagi-Fret (Best. Chocolates. Ever) from the driveway. He totally ignored my pleas(e) and I had to go down alone. I was - if you hadn't guessed Home Alone. Totally Kevin McAllister style except there are no goofy wet bandit robbers out to get me... That I know of. No, wait, I totally know about them. That was a bluff. So come and get me if you DARE. I did 7 PT classes worth of Self Defense in school. Got a certificate and everything.
My lovely maid did not wake up to my repeatedly hysterical cries or banging on her door. She just casually ignored me and gave me some half-baked excuse the next morning about why she didn't answer me. Something to do with her husband calling to check if she was ok. You have to answer ME first. ALWAYS. When she told me, I felt like the nerdy girl in an American high school who got pestered the popular jock to date him only to find out that it was all a bet so then I would go in for a complete makeover but then date my arty best friend who loved me even when I would start sentences with 'What would Kate Middleton do?' (I love the Royal Family, FYI. My dream is to become Duchess of Nottinghamshire by marrying Prince Harry).
Back to last night, I called the guard and asked in a voice that had pretty much reached ultrasonic levels 'What THEE hell just happened?', he, as cool as ever (yes, his name is Bahadur) told me that it was a bhukamp (earthquake for all ya'll French students in school. Please, all you can say in French now is Ouis, 'allo and Chanel. Les incompetent - another Home Alone reference, natch) and that everything was fine downstairs. Oh and did I forget to mention, that while I was barreling down the stairs, resembling a banshee - shrill screams, wild mane and eyes about to pop, I managed to get a BBM status in - also in an ultrasonic high pitched scream (I regret not adding '!!' but it was all in CAPS SO PEOPLE KNOW I AM SERIOUS AND NOT SHOUTING). My parents called me and I think I managed to tell them the entire story in less than 5-6 seconds which was the length of the bhukamp only it felt it would never end. My hands were trembling, my legs were shaking and all because I saw the cheesecake I couldn't have (thank you Dr Pierre Dukan and your why-French-ladies-never-get-fat-diet). I reminded myself of the last time I had sugar when I was hyperventilating the way I was then. Not my most flattering story.
I went back up to my room with my sneakers out and not because I thought I could outrun an earthquake, I'm not so spazzy, but to make a quick getaway. I have to climb down two floors to get to ground level aka safety zone during earthquakes. I managed some hysterical calls to my friends all of whom were luckily ok and like chilling as if an earthquake is no big deal. NO BIG DEAL. And hey, just in case I wasn't flipping out enough, you tell me to expect an after-shock. But I can go to the bathroom right now. Because in case another one comes, that's where I want to be. Thanks Joey. You're a brick (Not in a I-want-to-throw-you-through-a-glass-window-way ...most of the time, but in a oh-always-there-for-me-so-sweet-you-should-think-of-your-bladder-needs-before-you-get-so-unrealistic-and-crazy-and-amped-up-all-the-time-you-will-need-medication-soon way)
Luckily, there have been no casualties or damage reported due to Earthquake Malini (why don't Earthquakes have names? And why do all natural disasters have female names? Hurricane Irene? More like Slowi-cane Bob. Yeah, I did). I like to think of Malini as Mother Earth's way of showing us that she's still boss kind of like the Queen of England except with less tiaras and more power. Wow, that's too much Royal Family reference even for me.
The epicentre was Sonipath which is near Haryana (Jat Jokes!) but Malini made a huge noise in East Delhi, literally, like when you're in the library and everyone stops their iPods at the very moment you scrape back your metal chair on a wooden floor with a packet of noisy crisps in your hand and Magic Pops in your gaping mouth. The MET department reported that it was a 4.2 on the Richter scale not 6.6 as I felt it was. I call shenanigans! 4.2 ? That's no. It was 6.6.
We all should worship, protect and love our Mother Earth. Terrorists will hopefully not come and just go but Earth Mommy, she just sent out her kitty party friend Malini who gossips too much. Wait for her morbidly obese pampered cousin's nephew Hurricane Bittoo to strike.
Also, do you guys think that when it's raining - Mommy Earth is crying or as one of my oldest friends said oh-so-seriously (who gave the Bittoo reference as well) - going #1, and thunder's when she's bowling with her Kitty gang NOT when vampires decide to play Baseball (Twilight, that's a whole other post for me). What does an earthquake mean? Send your thoughts!
Comments
p.s.- Write more often.
@Sandhini, that's just cruel what you doing to Anju. He will be bigger than you soon.
@Joey, Delhi Belly hmmmmm. Interesting. Brick.