My Heartache is Giving Me a Headache
Do you ever repeatedly listen to a sad song especially in a car when it's raining and imagine yourself as the protagonist and think, 'Wow, I am so sad right now. I bet if they retold my story as a movie, it would move the entire audience to tears.' What else are you supposed to do when you listen to 'How to Save a Life' or worse, 'Hallelujah'?
One of the only redeeming parts about feeling sad is the self pity that comes with it. It can be cathartic to envisage scenarios of being the wronged one and the naysayers regretting their painful words and deeds. But after some time, you hear an internal voice that says, 'Ok, that's enough fantasizing for now. Everyone would've learnt their lesson. Come back to reality'.
If our inner voice tells us to stop, surely something tells us to begin? When we trip and injure ourselves, our brain sends a signal that we're hurt and we proceed to yell or even cry. We do the same even when we're hurting 'on the inside' but we attribute the source of that ache to our emotions. Although it's still our minds telling us what to feel in both cases, we like to differentiate between the two.
When faced with a tough decision, we often ask ourselves - should I go with my head or my heart? The former usually means a rational, logical decision while the latter is considered to be the impassioned and riskier option. According to Dr Freud, most of the time, we don't know what we are thinking, let alone why we do the things we do. He said that our mind are composed of the Id, the Ego and the Superego, all of which, are formed one at a time during our childhood.
The Id is something we're born with. It personifies wants like eating, drinking, staying warm, pooping. And if it doesn't get it, we'll know. Cue the crying baby. The Id seeks gratification and pleasure and wants them quickly. Freud further said that as we become older, we realise that we can't always get what we want. Reality gets in the way and thus develops our Ego. The Ego helps determine how our Id can be satisfied keeping in mind the external factors around us. The last part of a child's mind that develops is the Superego. It internalises the 'rules of the world' learned from parents, school and society.
A rudimentary example - Your Id wants food. It seeks chocolate. Your Superego will intervene and say. 'No! You're overweight. You don't need to have chocolate.' This is when your Ego steps in between the two. If your Ego decides to forgo the chocolate , thus siding with the Superego, you may feel a sense of superiority with a faint whiff of disappointment. Conversely, if you decide to satisfy the Id, then you may feel guilty and your Superego could deliver scathing remarks. Haven't we all devoured desserts only to regret it shortly after?
Does 'following our heart' then mean that we give in to our Id? Is the Superego the rational part of us, our loudest critic or our protector?
The notion to go with your heart sometimes seems appealing because the outcomes of logical decisions aren't memorable. We remember the expensive shoes that we simply had to have and probably have never worn, not mundane things like paying bills. The feeling of being free from restraint and reason is heady and it is exciting to go with 'our gut' or emotions especially if the results could be more rewarding irrespective of how unlikely they are.
If you're feeling happy, you're more likely to make a riskier decision but in moments of sadness, you'll take a less risky decision. Is that what we call self preservation? Maybe it's because with age, we tend to experience more sadness and so we weigh the outcomes of our decisions more. Does that mean that as we get older, we gravitate towards the safer option? In some cases, there is a sense of ambivalence and we struggle with which path to take. Other times, the weariness sets in and we choose less risk. Risk or reward is a fine balance that only we can maintain.
Do we really become less spontaneous with age? As if ageing wasn't a bleak enough prospect. My earlier posts on this blog would be the result of sporadic bursts of creativity but now I take my time to conduct research and think about what I'd like to say. I look back at that time with a begrudging admiration for my creativity but disdain for not spending time to hone my skills. Much like calculated decisions, we perceive considered works that are the result of determination, thought and patience as chores but there is peace in proof reading and reward for hard work. And even then, the aftermath can be imperfect. I struggle with errors as some of you know. Earlier, this would cause bouts of panic and frustration but with time, comes resilience.
Resilience isn't something we are born with. It is a result of the ongoing support received in our lives. Even in moments of helplessness, one can learn it. If there is a setback in your life, ask yourself about the permanence of it. When your mind begins its morose meanderings that contain completely unrealistic theories or scenarios where your life is the saddest movie ever made, take a moment to question this and present yourself with the actual evidence. Listen to that voice in your head. And when your own mind becomes unbearable, surround yourself with supportive people. Find the humour in things. I can't always bounce back quickly or smoothly but I can. I have to keep life on track even though the track keeps changing.
There are so many factors that go into making resolutions. Their consequences, whether owing to our own thought process or those of others, may be what we desire or what we dread. We may veer towards premeditated choices more often now but that doesn't mean we lose our will to be unrestrained. If youth offers a blasé devil-may-care attitude to do something, experience makes one adaptable and the voice that tells you to pick yourself up becomes a little stronger, a little louder and a lot more compassionate.
When it comes to heartache, although there is no one salve that can heal it, you have your mind to soothe the pangs. It is not the events themselves that harm us but the meaning we give to them. You have the choice to retain control over what you think. We can do many things to keep our heart strong but chances are that just like our bodies, it will get hurt. It is only our mind then, the mind we didn't listen to at first that will help heal it. Celine Dion may have sung that our hearts will go on but only when the mind wills it so.
One of the only redeeming parts about feeling sad is the self pity that comes with it. It can be cathartic to envisage scenarios of being the wronged one and the naysayers regretting their painful words and deeds. But after some time, you hear an internal voice that says, 'Ok, that's enough fantasizing for now. Everyone would've learnt their lesson. Come back to reality'.
If our inner voice tells us to stop, surely something tells us to begin? When we trip and injure ourselves, our brain sends a signal that we're hurt and we proceed to yell or even cry. We do the same even when we're hurting 'on the inside' but we attribute the source of that ache to our emotions. Although it's still our minds telling us what to feel in both cases, we like to differentiate between the two.
When faced with a tough decision, we often ask ourselves - should I go with my head or my heart? The former usually means a rational, logical decision while the latter is considered to be the impassioned and riskier option. According to Dr Freud, most of the time, we don't know what we are thinking, let alone why we do the things we do. He said that our mind are composed of the Id, the Ego and the Superego, all of which, are formed one at a time during our childhood.
The Id is something we're born with. It personifies wants like eating, drinking, staying warm, pooping. And if it doesn't get it, we'll know. Cue the crying baby. The Id seeks gratification and pleasure and wants them quickly. Freud further said that as we become older, we realise that we can't always get what we want. Reality gets in the way and thus develops our Ego. The Ego helps determine how our Id can be satisfied keeping in mind the external factors around us. The last part of a child's mind that develops is the Superego. It internalises the 'rules of the world' learned from parents, school and society.
A rudimentary example - Your Id wants food. It seeks chocolate. Your Superego will intervene and say. 'No! You're overweight. You don't need to have chocolate.' This is when your Ego steps in between the two. If your Ego decides to forgo the chocolate , thus siding with the Superego, you may feel a sense of superiority with a faint whiff of disappointment. Conversely, if you decide to satisfy the Id, then you may feel guilty and your Superego could deliver scathing remarks. Haven't we all devoured desserts only to regret it shortly after?
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| Courtesy: 'What would Freud do?' |
Does 'following our heart' then mean that we give in to our Id? Is the Superego the rational part of us, our loudest critic or our protector?
The notion to go with your heart sometimes seems appealing because the outcomes of logical decisions aren't memorable. We remember the expensive shoes that we simply had to have and probably have never worn, not mundane things like paying bills. The feeling of being free from restraint and reason is heady and it is exciting to go with 'our gut' or emotions especially if the results could be more rewarding irrespective of how unlikely they are.
If you're feeling happy, you're more likely to make a riskier decision but in moments of sadness, you'll take a less risky decision. Is that what we call self preservation? Maybe it's because with age, we tend to experience more sadness and so we weigh the outcomes of our decisions more. Does that mean that as we get older, we gravitate towards the safer option? In some cases, there is a sense of ambivalence and we struggle with which path to take. Other times, the weariness sets in and we choose less risk. Risk or reward is a fine balance that only we can maintain.
Do we really become less spontaneous with age? As if ageing wasn't a bleak enough prospect. My earlier posts on this blog would be the result of sporadic bursts of creativity but now I take my time to conduct research and think about what I'd like to say. I look back at that time with a begrudging admiration for my creativity but disdain for not spending time to hone my skills. Much like calculated decisions, we perceive considered works that are the result of determination, thought and patience as chores but there is peace in proof reading and reward for hard work. And even then, the aftermath can be imperfect. I struggle with errors as some of you know. Earlier, this would cause bouts of panic and frustration but with time, comes resilience.
Resilience isn't something we are born with. It is a result of the ongoing support received in our lives. Even in moments of helplessness, one can learn it. If there is a setback in your life, ask yourself about the permanence of it. When your mind begins its morose meanderings that contain completely unrealistic theories or scenarios where your life is the saddest movie ever made, take a moment to question this and present yourself with the actual evidence. Listen to that voice in your head. And when your own mind becomes unbearable, surround yourself with supportive people. Find the humour in things. I can't always bounce back quickly or smoothly but I can. I have to keep life on track even though the track keeps changing.
There are so many factors that go into making resolutions. Their consequences, whether owing to our own thought process or those of others, may be what we desire or what we dread. We may veer towards premeditated choices more often now but that doesn't mean we lose our will to be unrestrained. If youth offers a blasé devil-may-care attitude to do something, experience makes one adaptable and the voice that tells you to pick yourself up becomes a little stronger, a little louder and a lot more compassionate.
When it comes to heartache, although there is no one salve that can heal it, you have your mind to soothe the pangs. It is not the events themselves that harm us but the meaning we give to them. You have the choice to retain control over what you think. We can do many things to keep our heart strong but chances are that just like our bodies, it will get hurt. It is only our mind then, the mind we didn't listen to at first that will help heal it. Celine Dion may have sung that our hearts will go on but only when the mind wills it so.
Comments
With love to my super kid
SuperMom ��
Loved this.
Shine in Devika❤️
Sangam.