Marriage Material Part Deux-minos

Writing this story makes me realise that if people ever ask me 'preferences' in a partner, I may say 'don't keep surprising me'. The training kicked in, my positivity-teflon was made in China I guess so it suffered a dent and I mumbled a 'yes, sure' (grimacing smiling benignly). A Dominos at 12.10pm on a Saturday. The pizzeria(?), was of course empty and the lone waiter was as gobsmacked as I was to see two people there. He wordlessly left a sticky menu and disappeared. I think I didn't let out a breath till he suggested we don't actually eat there (I love their food but eating their garlic bread on a first date is like worsening the already slim odds even more). 

With that out of the way, there was nothing left to do but actually have a conversation. I have not used the word 'hobby' since I filled out a slam book in school. I don't know how my dented poly-positive-teflon would've handled it if I was asked about hobbies at that time. Luckily, I was asked another hot topic - 'So, what do you do?'. I explained and it seemed like he was listening. I would like to add a disclaimer here that on 'dates', I am much better behaved than usual. Hard to believe but it's true. You wouldn't know because you didn't ask me out. You think I'm marriage material.  I talk softly and slowly, I don't talk with my hands, I never check my phone and I let the other person speak. Maybe I should behave like this always. I have enough time on my non-gesticulating hands. Little did I know then that this would be the only question he asks me. 

At close to 12.35pm, he saw the time and asked if I would like to go to the now open cafe. Eager to get out of that dim space, I readily agreed and we walked back. The cafe was bright and sunny and full of 'jolly' people having a good time and we sat down pretending like the setback hadn't occurred. When the waiter asked us what we'd like to have, he ordered a virgin mojito. When I recanted this story to friends, some suggested that I should have checked out there and then but I didn't. I thought it was a bit of a strange order but it didn't bother me (My poly-positive-teflon seemed to have been made in an Apple factory and not a Vivo one in China). Maybe he felt that my latte order was odd too. 

I then asked him what he did. He told me about his work, the recent project he was working on (the reason he was late), the commute which did lead to some tired nights but seemed to be worth it, the new division he hoped to become a part of, a promotion he had received a few months prior, his long hours that ended in a bar just down the street where he now considered himself a local and the software program they had been using which according to him could've been developed better but he chose not to work in that field and went for consultancy instead as it offers numerous challenges and the opportunity to really figure out what he enjoyed doing, not that he didn't like his current work but sometimes you wish that there was more to life too right? 

There are different ways you can exhibit your listening skills on dates. You can begin with some gentle nods till you fear you're looking like a bobble head, then proceed to give your neck some rest, have a sip of your drink and smile politely without thinking of how you got your braces removed too early. Try adding some mutters of 'so true' when you feel applicable. Finally, when your cheeks get tired and you fear you've zoned out completely, turn to the caffeine. He looked at me at the end of his tirade sermon monologue and while I was close to bringing up hobbies, I refrained, trying to wake up my slumbering poly-positive-teflon that had become more occupied with how *I* was coming across rather than actually listening. So I asked something equally mundane that I don't recall now but we somehow ended up talking about books and reading. 

He was a big fan of the fantasy genre. I'm a big fantasist (imagining scenarios in my mind especially before sleeping where I'm the heroine who was once wrongly tried only to emerge victorious, and there's a great soundtrack too) and I read fantasy too. However, the names this guy was taking were flying over my head like Hedwig. And to top it all, he. Didn't. Stop. Talking. Again. I tried to maintain an encouraging smiling while keeping track of the names he said. Any time I tried to interject with a  hopefully pithy and witty remark, he would start about something else (Note: talk about fantasies but remember, the ladies like to be included as well!). Slowly but surely, as the mojito got over, my latte long gone, I began feeling restless and knew it was time to call it (for now). I asked him what time he had to get back to work, my poly-positive-teflon instantly tensing up that I was in for another tirade sermon monologue detailed response but he realised he was running late and motioned for the bill. 

I don't expect guys to foot the bill. It is a very personal choice and it is not a deal breaker to split it. The bill was for Rs 500. He placed his credit card and I put Rs 300 in cash. The sneaky waiter had seen what had transpired and came armed with more than the card machine. He looked at my date who said - 'Please split it' and replied, 'Sir, we don't accept such small payments on a card.' Now when I think about it, I wonder if he was having his fun or telling the truth. I was caught somewhere between wanting to burst into laughter and dropping open my mouth in shock at this exchange but my date had another ace up his sleeve. He answered very coolly, without batting an eyelash - 'Oh, you can just charge the whole bill on my card' and proceeded to take my cash. I quickly changed my expression from cringing to smiling saying 'Sure'. I didn't think he was weird to do what he did, instead I was thinking that he's made a profit of Rs 50. 

Once we were outside, we exchanged pleasantries and made our way home. When asked by my family later how it went, I tried to give as many details as possible. The point of the first date, according to me is not whether you actively like a person, rather it's whether you actively dislike a person. I unsure about him; we didn't seem to have discovered much in common and I felt that he didn't ask me too many things. Neither of those are red flags though. So after a couple of days, when we texted asking to meet for coffee again, I said yes and I was looking forward to it. My positivity-teflon had been updated and I had a plan of action.  

This time, it was 4pm on a Sunday at another cafe that I knew would be open. I was on my way there when he called saying that the place was full (the timings and the venues, we just couldn't get it right) and suggested a nearby restaurant that while I loved was also extremely popular. Nothing like bumping into acquaintances on an arranged marriage date. I suggested an alternate place in the same market which was known for its good coffee and ambience pervasive to a casual date. 

When we met, I wondered what he would order this time around but he stuck to a cold coffee. Orders placed, my positivity-teflon alert and raring to go, I put my plan into action. I smiled at him and stayed mute. 

My plan was simple. I felt that he didn't ask me too much about myself. I know that I am infuriating because I don't like talking about myself but I like to be asked. I vaguely recall him telling me about a wedding he had attended recently and some of the shenanigans ensuing but as time went on, he continued to chat without asking me anything. I remember a sinking feeling that this wasn't going the way I had hoped. I tried to keep the conversation going and he seemed to be enjoying himself but the disappointment had settled in. Maybe I expected too much, maybe it was too soon. I don't have the answers but I don't have any regrets either. I always try to listen to my own instincts over both unrealistic expectations and real hard truths about myself. 

Dating on its own is difficult. We all are susceptible to thinking too much (or too less) and comparing ourselves with what we see around us. There seem to be many options, viability of them perhaps questionable. Societal, family and self created pressures don't exactly help in maintaining a calm and cool presence throughout it all. I don't bear any ill will towards him. He was a nice person and I'm sure that the circumstances were not easy for him to deal with either but he wasn't meant to be anything more than an acquaintance to me. We didn't speak after the second time we met. It was a mutual unsaid understanding that this was it for us. 

When the time came to clear the bill, (Rs 475 this time) I was ready. I placed my credit card along with his. Hey, he may have been lovely but at least he shouldn't make another 'profit'.